Death n dying

My best friend’s aunt died of gall bladder cancer recently. She didn’t show any symptoms in the earlier stage and as a result died within one month of the diagnosis.

I consoled my friend saying that it was good for her to die so quickly without suffering much.

But how can I know what was better or worse for her. We cannot imagine ourselves dying however hard we try. After thinking for a long time trying to grasp the gravity of the death, I still couldn’t decide whether I would like the doctors, relatives to tell me frankly how much time do I have in my hand if I’m diagnosed with a fatal disease.

I know something for sure though. Being in extreme pain erases your identity. The fight with the pain consumes all the energy and it becomes hard to be yourself. The end to the pain will be more inviting then compared to all the world.

 

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Starry starry night

Yesterday late evening when we were in the park, my daughter pointed at the bright stars in the sky. I was pleased to see the starry sky after a long time. Being in a city sure has its perks, but I couldn’t help missing the starry skies.

The stars are a reminder about our insignificant existence in this grand universe. Try lying down on the wet sand of a lonely beach looking at the black star studded sky hearing the incessant breaking waves. It erases the world tied with the conscious I and leaves you with a blank. The realisation hits you that you’re not even equivalent to a sand particle in the scheme of the universe.

It’s necessary to realize it sometimes in today’s world.

Routine game

My 1 year old daughter is close to utter her first meaningful words. She started with sounds like “bu-te” and “ba-yo” and now at the stage of  “da-da” and  “ba-ba”. She talks to us a lot in her gibberish tongue.

She plays a cute game with her dad. He calls her name and she picks up his tone and says “ba-ba” in the same intonation (Baba is Daddy in our mother tongue). Then he changes his tone, plays with letters in her name, stretching and emphasising in different ways and she mimics him exactly each time with “ba-ba”.

Some routines are so comforting.

Frame of life

It’s fun to have a child and very reassuring to have a loving husband. Nevertheless you’re bound in a life frame.

I would love to be free and enjoy life. I would love to travel, meet new people, flirt and drink, live a reckless and carefree life.

And still I would not trade my current life for all the fun in the world. Because I know those things are fun when I’ve a home to return to. Instead I would try to modify the life frame and grab the fun.

 

Interesting People

Meeting new interesting people always fascinates me. A gallery with a different world view opens up. Let them talk about their passions, opinions, experiences and you can learn so much.

I miss the intellectual stimuli if no such person is around. And I envy those who lead fulfilling and content lives doing exactly what they want.

Growing up

When you’re a kid, life is simple. Even when you land in trouble, there’s always someone to rescue you; your parents! Sure enough, Mom and Dad can solve all the problems in the world; at least as far as your world is concerned.

The world’s horizons expand with growing up. The world from which your parents protected you opens up. Insecurity, responsibilities creep into your lives along with the freedom. Everyone learns to survive and fight back, so do you. Your parents are still around to help wherever they can; financially, physically or mentally whenever you approach them.

You start a family of your own, have kids, build a life. And one day suddenly you realize that the tables have turned. Your support pillars are now looking at you for the support. You no longer burden them with your problems. You know that they cannot solve it and you want to protect them by keeping them in the dark.

At this point you understand that now onwards you’re on your own. Believe me, it’s scarier than most scary stories.

 

 

Learning to be better

While going through the meaningless Facebook photos, status updates and links I found this one.

http://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/2014/12/24/inadvertent-algorithmic-cruelty/

http://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/2014/12/27/well-that-escalated-quickly/

I liked Eric’s posts not only for the point he’s making; but the way he has put forward his case logically without being judgemental or emotional. I think it must have taken a lot of courage and self control.

I agree with the content of his posts but more than that respect the strength of his character.

As years pass, I would like to evolve in a better human being through the wisdom and experience I gain. And this post is one of such valued learnings.